New (Old) Taxes
| Category: General, WTF?, EAT | 1 Comment
In the fall of 1999, we were sitting in trombone sectionals during a MI (Marching Illini) rehearsal of some sort. The discussion quickly turned to t-shirt ordering for the upcoming road trip.
Schrand: Okay it’s 10 bucks a shirt for sizes up to XL, and then a dollar extra for each additional X.
Me: WHAT?!?! You’re charging me extra because I’m fat? I’m outraged! (Other Bigguns chuckle, because they KNOW the fat tax talk is coming.)
Schrand: Yeah, apparently if you need a bigger size, they’re charging you for it. Sorry guys, it’s the way it is.
Me: I would like to lodge a formal complaint against this FAT tax. It’s bad enough that my heart in engorged, and I can’t run up the stairs or look at Pre-Game without panting, but really? A dollar for this? (Gesticulating wildly and jiggling at this point.)
Schrand: You COULD get an XL shirt.
Me: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT MUCH OF ME. No, I’ll pay. But I’ll scream and moan about it for awhile. As a result, I demand we play “Livin’ La Vida Loca” right now, in honor of Ricky, and his sexy ways.
Everyone Else: NO!
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As I was ordering a hooded zipper jacket this morning from my school, I noticed that the FAT tax is still in effect. On top of paying the $20 for the sweatshirt, I have to add $2 for my spare tire so I can get an XXL. I want my two dollars back. Two dollars.
I am so going to complain. Again.
And now I’ll go back to losing weight, so that someday, somewhere, my personal Fat Tax will be repealed. Hmm, maybe if I dump all the peanut butter cups into Lake Michigan…
