Ebjournal Revisited.

Apparently I taste good…

The Trifecta of Biting is complete. You may now assume that I will be acquiring superhuman powers soon.

Saturday night, as we’re sitting around the faux bonfire, my family starts noticing that there are mosquitoes still struggling to survive in mid-September. Not until I am back inside under the harsh glare of reality do I notice that I have been bitten three or four times around my ankles. No big deal.

Flash forward to Monday morning. Why are my feet so itchy? I’m wearing new socks, but it doesn’t seem to be affected in the usual sock places. I realize that because I wore sandals all day Sunday, I did not notice that these were juiced-mosquitoes, angry at Mother Earth for making it so cold at night. They exacted their vengence on me, lowly snack bar of blood on a cold Saturday night. Thus, bite(s) number 1.

This morning (Monday) as I’m frantically cleaning up my classroom in my pathetic attempt to resemble an organized teacher, I notice a little spider. After last-week’s half-dollar spider incident, in which I was outwardly brave,
and inwardly shrieking like a girly-man, I had nothing to fear from a tiny spider.

WRONG.

I look down at my wrist, which also has started to itch, right after school started. Naturally, there’s a tiny bump there. So, spiders apparently (apparently!) like me too.

To recap: Itchy feet, new spider bite. Where else, how else could I be tasted, like some sort of buffet?

Oh, gentle readers, if I only realized that there are many other ways to be chomped on and spit out.

During the second lunch shift on Mondays, I do outdoor recess. I usually stand by the door between the lunchroom and the playground, sternly chastising small hobbits to walk. I put out my hands to emphasize to the little ones that if they continue running, they will run into my beefy paws.

Today, one of them challenged that. One little vampirical cherub decided that he should BITE my hand as he ran by, so as not to slow down. He reached out, and chomped with his four baby teeth right at the base of my thumb. The thoughts ran through my head were this, in order:

Hey, what the !@#$% was that?

AND

SOMETHING BIT ME!

It didn’t hurt, and I figured out what happened shortly after that. I yelled after the maniacal culprit, and what happened?

The little booger RAN.

Smiling.

Oh no. Uh-uh.

After about 3 seconds of my 75% outdoor voice, everyone within a 100-foot perimeter knew that they should be taking cover. Eventually I got the young man’s attention and he stopped, and I watched, WATCHED as the chap slowly realized that he was in trouble, and not just “I’m sorry” trouble, but like, you know principal’s office trouble. Hell, that even scares ME. I marched him down the office, to find that the boss was already engaged with three fifth graders, and she was NOT in a good mood. In fact, I’ve never seen her in this particular mood. I started to feel very sorry for the young man as I meekly approached my boss, and said that the boy needed to see her. He was too slow in moving and she pretty much snarled, “Get in here right now, young man.” After that, the boy lost it, even more than the tears streaming down his face from my discussion with him. I tried hard not to laugh, because the kid was screwed. I felt bad for him, because I truly believe he didn’t realize what he did, or how social graces dictated that it is NEVER OKAY TO BITE PEOPLE. Unfortunately, he had to learn the hard way. Suffice to say, his parents had to be brought in, and I had to give me spiel again. The parents were mortified, and the kid wouldn’t even look at me. So that happened.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Twice bitten, itchy.

Thrice bitten, looking over my shoulder for vampires.

:-B

RSS Trackback URL 19. September 2005 (20:09)
Filed under: General, School Daze, Random, WTF?