Ebjournal Revisited.

Blah.

Friends,

I’m about to enter into a touchy subject. It’s been 6 years in the making, and although it’s been referred to in passing, I feel it’s time to address a few things.

1) No, it is NOT easy being a male teacher.
2) No, it is NOT easy being the only male in my graduate cohort.
3) No, it is NOT my intention to talk so much at meetings, and to crack wise. It is what I call a “defence mechanism.” (I prefer the British spelling.)

Though I try to keep this blog anonymous to those of you that do not know me (hence the anonymous), you may have been able to deduce that I’m white. And because I’m a teacher in a great school district, I am middle class. So what h-e- double hockey sticks do I have to complain about?

Really, nothing, and though my stress is not at threat level orange,(that is SO 2002) a few things have been creeping up on me lately. So, I’m going to use the Interweb to get it off my chest…

First and foremost, I blame myself. I’m not the easiest person in the world to get to know. I’ll shake your hand, smile, and make chitchat with the best of them. I’ll remember your significant other’s name, and some other random thing about you that will probably surprise you that I remember, and quite possibly creep you out a little. (and makes Kenny cheer.) I don’t do this on purpose; it’s what my brain latches on to. But after the surface, it takes people a long time to understand who I am, and what I’m about. I’m still wondering. Build the wall higher and thicker with the fact that I’m a delicioius combination of paranoid and insecure. “Overactive imagination” is what they called it when I was a kid. So I always assume people think about me, when I’m not even a blip on their radar, and that the thoughts are negative. I’ve learned to deal with that a bit, but the insecurity still lingers.

So what does this all mean when you put it into context of working in an elmentary school, and participate in a grad school class of exactly SEVEN people? That answer comes tomorrow, or later today, whichever comes last.

(I’ve decided to release this in bits and pieces; otherwise Stuck gets annoyed that it’s so long)

RSS Trackback URL 8. December 2005 (08:34)
Filed under: General, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious