| Category: General, In the Reflecting Pool | 0 Comments
Taken from Story People, a very interesting set of phrases and drawings, reflections, etc.
Sometimes they move me, sometimes they don’t. Yesterday’s did:
He told me one time he forgot himself & his heart opened up like a door with a loose latch & he tried for days to put it all back in proper order but finally he gave up & left it all jumbled up there in a pile & loved everything equally.
| Category: General, All about me, In the Reflecting Pool | 1 Comment
It turns out I’m tired of apologizing. I’m tired of apologizing for who I am. I am freely declaring that yes, in fact, I am a sensitive person. I am male, and I give a crap about people and the world around me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and when you have my loyalty or my love, you have it for a long time. It’s why I have a hard time letting go of relationships; it’s why I’m so willing to be friends with almost anyone, in spite of what they may have done to me (perceived or based in reality). And though it’s gotten me hurt more times than I care to admit, it’s part of who I am. If you finally manage to get and stay on my bad side (and there’s really only a very few people who have managed *that* trick) you stay there too.
Over the summer, I took a course in differentiation. The teacher was a firm believer in having us get to know who we are before we could reach out and work with students. So we took some personality tests, multiple intelligence tests, etc. Turns out that according to the Myers-Briggs test, I’m an ENFJ and reading it, it makes a lot of sense. On the color spectrum, I’m a blue. (These are pretty consistent with each other.) Whether or not I ascribe to any or all of this mumbo-jumbo, many points hit a little too close to home.
So anyway, I just wanted to put it out there, that yes, I do know that I’m sensitive. It’s cool. I’ve tried to develop a thicker skin over the years; hasn’t happened. But it also makes me fairly perceptive to my friends’ needs. So, if you need something from me, let me know.
Finally tonight, I think I found a instant-favorite blog for a person such as myself. I already read Zen Habits, but I think I’m really going to enjoy Zen Moments. I’m looking for more peace in my life, more inspiration, and this little corner of the Internet seems to be providing it. Please read the post today– I dare you not to get a little emotional about it. I know I did, and I’m tired of apologizing for it. 
| Category: General, WTF?, All about me, In the Reflecting Pool | 1 Comment
I give up.
Friends, I’m about to tell you a quick true story that may illustrate a subtle shift in my personality. While it may be a fluke of nature or a distortion in the space-time continuum, the following events transpired exactly as I am about to relate them to you.
After hauling my ever-so-slightly slimmed down self to the gym for a quick 60 minute workout today, I decided to cruise across my hamlet to the local Subway to grab dinner before settling in for a night of paper writing and grading. Along the way, I noticed the river being higher than I’ve ever seen in it the 20+ years I lived here and saw the efforts of a community coming together. As I pulled into the Subway parking lot (also partially submerged) I checked my car stereo clock. 5:45. Home by six, I thought.
I enter the store and see five people in front of me and only ONE sandwich artist behind the counter. I took my place in line and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Gentle readers, you may not have run into me in awhile, or may have forgotten, but I am not the most patient person in the world. With my students, sure, but that’s because they’re spastic and barely have control over their bowels, much less their mouths and impulses. With grown-ups, I’ve been known to be a bit of ah, well, cranky jerkstore is a soft way of putting it.
I waited for 25 minutes at the Subway to get my sandwich. You may be thinking that you could see my blood boiling, my neck turning red when I’m upset (watch for it next time, dead giveaway), and my eyes narrowed into slits the give the impression that I am truly the possessor of The Mighty Eye (see: Dakos, Kalli: poetry)
But here’s the thing: I wasn’t upset. Not even close. In fact, I was downright convivial with the lone slinger of sandwiches as she scurried to make me my oven roasted chicken breast on wheat.
So what the hell is wrong with me? During my near half-hour of standing in the queue, I relaxed, did some breathing, and, I kid you not, thought about the things I was thankful for today.
And it felt good.
This is a trend I’ve noticed slowly overcoming me since the beginning of summer. I’m now more content to take things at a measured pace. I’m not always in a hurry to be somewhere (though if it involves football or consuming liquids… watch out) and in perhaps the most telling example of all- I Don’t Get To School At The Same Time Everyday. For anyone that knows me, this is unheard of. Is it a new leaf? Is it a development of patience and rose-smelling? Is it the slow realization that some things are out of my control and I can’t do anything about them so I might as well chill out? NO ONE KNOWS.
I’ve been given some sort of serenity and I have no idea if it is permanent. Spooky.
Stay tuned.
| Category: General, All about me, In the Reflecting Pool | 2 Comments
An almost real blog post here. I was gently reminded by one of the 2.142857 readers that I have that I haven’t blogged recently. Been busy with life, making the most of each day, not writing about it. My bad. Captain Marc was right, as usual.
Summer’s over, school’s started again, and I’m in full swing. Between teaching, tutoring, trombone lessons, trivia, and jazz band, my weeks fill up pretty quickly.
I would love to talk about my love life, but that’s private. And just recently non-existent. Most of you know anyway, so my laundry stays in the giant pile in my closet, thank you very much.
Weight Update: Down 21 lbs. Don’t know how many weeks its been. I recently restarted the whole exercise thing– 3 times last week, and plans for at least that many this week.
However, maybe because of the rain or because my recent tribulations in amorous relationships, I’m feeling rather maudlin today… maybe not the right word. Sensitive is probably a better one. I ran across this poem yesterday, at all places, Jimmy John’s. And parts of it hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, it’s sappy and forward-like, but it shifted my perspective on a few things. So, either stop reading and roll your eyes, or open up your heart/soul/mind and let the cheese flow all over you. Either way, have a better day tomorrow than today.
/end weird rambling.
I believe-
that we don’t have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.
I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I believe-
that it’s taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.
I believe-
that you can keep going
long after you can’t.
I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I believe-
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
its place.
I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you’re down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe-
that sometimes when I’m angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me
the right to be cruel.
I believe-
that just because someone doesn’t love
you the way you want them to doesn’t
mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I believe-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you’ve had
and what you’ve learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I believe-
that it isn’t always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other
And just because they don’t argue,
it doesn’t mean they do.
I believe-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe-
that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally.
different.
I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don’t even know you.
I believe-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.
I believe-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I believe-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.
by Unknown
| Category: General, In the Reflecting Pool | 2 Comments
I have 74 days until I go back to official school for the institutionalizing of teachers on August 15th. It’s my goal to make the most of each day, in my own way. I don’t know where it will take me, but I want to be able to say that I enjoyed each and every one of my summer days. This may get boring and inane to you, gentle readers, but it’s my part of the Internet, so suck it.
Today, on my first “official” day of summer, I went to my youngest sister’s bean bag tournament at her school. (Note to self: do this next year!) I wasn’t paired with her and my partner was not what we could called motivated to win. Still, after losing the first game of our double elimination tourney, we won four before losing to the teacher who set it up (and, incidentally, threw four in the hole in a row… tough to play against that…)
After that, I hit the Home Depot to pick up supplies for The Deflowering of the Kitchen. (sounds dirty… and it will be!). Tomorrow will start the process of trying to remove the wallpaper. I’m not in a hurry… I will be taking my time with it. I’m very Zen about it right now. We’ll see how I am in August!
Came back for lunch, a quick 30 minute nap, and then I did a short (35 min) cardio workout. Hit the library, then tutored for 90 min. Then I had a catch with Rich and played a little frisbee to run around just a bit more. Checked on my flowers and tomato plants, watered some stuff so that it would rain tonight, and taught a trombone lesson. Finally, I grilled some chicken and enjoyed a beer on the patio. It was a busy-ish day, but a good day. We’ll see what tomorrow brings!
| Category: General, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious, In the Reflecting Pool | 0 Comments
Despite the looming thesis that takes up free moments in my life, I needed to take a moment to respond to this article. First and foremost, this article hits home because, 1) I’m a second-grade teacher, 2) I student taught at Thomas Paine (back in the day) and 3) I hate the fact that there are sickos out there that take advantage of children like that.
On a broader scale, there is something wrong with our investigative system when the alleged perv was dismissed from another school district for inappropriate behavior, but was able to find a job almost right away. I’m not a big-brother loving, Patriot Act, wire-tapping advocate, but I do think that if you send pictures of semi-nude actresses to CHILDREN, you should not be in teaching. Being a teacher means you need to get students to trust you and understand that you are on their side. When things like this happen, especially in the classroom, it makes that bond so much harder to establish. Because of things like this, there are several things I cannot and will not ever do as a teacher:
1) No student can ever be alone with me in a classroom, unless I’m standing in the doorway, with the door wide open. It’s also why I usually do any disciplining in the hallway, where others can see and hear, while keeping it private from the other students in the classroom. Female teachers rarely have to think about these things.
2) Kids that I teach are very affectionate; they’re young, they love school, and they want to show it. However, we give handshakes, fist-bumps, and high fives in my classroom. Hugs are a rarity, because I don’t initiate them. If a child (male, or female) offers me one, it’s always a side hug. Despite my emotional involvement with my students (6 hrs a day x 170 days= over a thousand hours with each child… wouldn’t you have some investment?), I will not be seen as overly-touchy, because it can come back to haunt you, no matter how innocuous it is. Female teachers, in contrast, have children hugging them all the time, and I’ve even seen teachers give children a kiss on the cheek on multiple occasions. Not that I would ever want to do that, but if another male teacher did, he would be strung up and kicked out faster than you can say ‘investigation.”
3) This makes things awfully hard to console an upset child. Whether it’s a scrape, an insult, or being sad about something else in their life, as a teacher, I’m supposed to be there for them. I’m sure I’m come off as cold sometimes because I have to keep my distance from students.
I hope the guy gets a huge sentence, and is never allowed near children for a long time, but I’m constantly aware of the fishbowl that male teachers live in.
Overall, it just makes me sad, and it makes my job harder. I’m in teaching because I care about children, and I will continue to make sure that I respect those children, whatever it takes, so that they can learn. I hope our education system does the same. If you’re interested in the rest of this saga, you can go here for the latest updates from the News-Gazette.
| Category: General, School Daze, In the Reflecting Pool | 2 Comments
(Well, that was a little over the top. Let’s try to stay focused, on message, shall we?)
(P.S. Stuck, stop reading now. Truuuuuuuust me.)
Staid, rock-steady, impermeable. When I think of the education system, I sometimes (90% of the time) worry that its traditions are what is keeping it from succeeding. Veteran teachers often refer to teaching as a cycle, or a pendulum, where basically the same ideas are bandied about and whoever is in control (textbook companies, presidents, evil IRA leaders) have the power to shift the curriculum to reflect their beliefs and pocketbooks. “Don’t like whole language? Don’t worry, phonics will be back soon enough.” In the last ten years, there has been some attempt towards balanced literacy, where multiple approaches are integrated into teaching reading and writing. Research is making its way into the classroom more as well. The National Institute of Health’s National Reading Panel, published in 1999, was a serious attempt by the government to look at what helps children learn to read. Based on evidence from research, it made some really great recommendations on how to get students to learn. Desafortunamente, it also lead to the No Child Left Behind Act. This mandate has lead to a more strict curriculum that doesn’t allow for nearly as much creativity and freedom of thought that most of the research says children need in order to flourish. The idea of systemic and explict instruction in reading development is important; most of the research points to that as an effective means of teaching children anything. Where NCLB and publishing companies miss is that they think everything has to be regimented and assessed in the same way. Too many teachers are staying to the prescribed curriculum, using pencil and paper, and not exploring other means of education.
Oh yes, I’m talking about technology. I consider the current district I’m teaching in to be fairly advanced in technology for the area. This means I have 3 computers in my room, two of which connect to the Internet. We have a very nice lab that we get to see for 60 minutes a week. But we are still treating computers like a novelty, like we did when I was coming up through the education system 20 years ago. Technology needs to be a tool, not a reward. On top of this, the computer incentive isn’t what it once was. Students aren’t nearly as motivated to do the same static games and projects on the computer that they once were because a large portion of them (in my middle-class district) have access to these same things at home or at the library, and have already been doing them for the last few years. In other words, we are not using technology that is readily available to its fullest potential, and it’s starting to drive me a little crazy.
So, where are we? Computers aren’t being used to their potential and students aren’t being taught new ways to learn about reading and writing. Kind of a depressing landscape. Until I started thinking about it.
Just because the teachers aren’t using technology doesn’t mean the students aren’t. MySpace is a great way for students to interact with each other, and allows their voice to be heard. (Naturally I mean for older students…I shudder to think of my kids looking at even 5% of what’s on MySpace pages) Even more importantly is how students’ voices are starting to be heard on the Internet. I was searching for the sequel to Eragon on Amazon the other day and came across the comments for the second book, Eldest. Not only did the commenters pan it, but it turns out that most of the critics were between 10 and 15 years of age. Verbose, intelligent 10-15 year olds who pretty much nailed the contents of the book. I would have loved that kind of forum as a student that age growing up, and probably would have even done that assignment willingly. (Note to Mrs. Zigzag– how about having kids acutally post reviews of books to places like Amazon? Feasible?) I realized that students are finding ways to communicate about their learning (both social and academic) that teachers are completely missing in their digital-alien/migrant mindset. What a powerful way to have your voice heard! It made me renew my determination to get technology into the classroom more. To be fair, I don’t think that I’ll be able to get students to write scathing rejoinders about The Cat in the Hat, but they will be able to do more blogging now than we currently are (we’ve got a whopping three posts and ten comments for the school year).
Next Tuesday (pending jury duty…), I will be attending a seminar on podcasting and blogging in the classroom. It’s being offered by the district, and makes me oh-so-happy to see that they’re finally moving towards more 2.0 ideas. Information literacy is here to stay, my friends. It’s time for teachers to start catching up and help students realize the potential. I hope that this is a sign that the district is going to realize how powerful a tool technology can be for the future. Teachers need to use the tools out there to help students become tech-saavy, instead of waiting to say no because it doesn’t fit into prescribed curricula. The students won’t wait for us, and it would be a shame for them to learn this stuff without us!
(On a side, side, side note, I am also putting together a class to teach this summer on information literacy. Using computers, I want students to be able to evaluate Web content, learn flexible searching strategies, and actually realize that the Internet is not the Gospel according to MySpace. Suggestions welcome on what I should cover for students learning to safely use the Internet!)
| Category: In the Reflecting Pool | 2 Comments
As a responsible blogger… I promise to adhere to the following guidelines, as much as humanly possible:
I will not blog in anger.
I will not blog in frustration.
I will try to explain my thoughts and ideas in a coherent manner.
I will attempt to use punctuation in its correct form.
I realize that people not commenting on my blog is not a reflection on my writing.
I will really try hard not to blog when upset at the duplicitous nature of people in the world.
I will write for me, to keep my thoughts and observations organized, and to be able to reflect on my past.
I will not blog in anger or frustration, unless it’s really deserved.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Happy Weekend!
| Category: General, Exploring, All about me, In the Reflecting Pool | 3 Comments
It’s possible that my dearth of posting (ten days is a long time for me these days) is related to the fact that last week, I had class from 9-4, and then needed to work out. It could also be because this weekend TLEMK and I drove 800 miles to see people that I could legally marry, yet still fall within the family tree.
The 66th Annual McIntosh Family Reunion took place in Medina, Ohio, which is about 45 minutes south of downtown Cleveland. Medina is home to one of V’s first cousins, which are actually more rare than me staying on a diet without potatoes for more than a week. TLEMK has a grand total of three first cousins on her mother’s side, and almost two on her father’s side, bringing the total to five cousins. With only four total on the maternal side, and with each of them living in different states (California, Illinois, Ohio, and Virginia), it is only about once every three-five years that they’re all under the same roof. But by attending the reunion this weekend, you would never know that these people rarely see each other. This reunion has been taking place consecutively for the last 60 or so years. That means every year, there is a family meeting, with minutes taken, debate over next year’s site, the treasury of the family, letters and updates from those who can’t attend, and this year, singing! To someone who didn’t grow up with family reunions, and had many, many, many cousins around (at least fifteen, and don’t even get me started on my stepdad’s family), it was a little overwhelming to see the display of family-ness and togetherness that these people shared with each other for a weekend. Thoughts and reflections:
The McIntoshes are organized.
There is a minutes log of each family meeting dating back to 1939. It’s been passed down all this time, complete with photographs stuck into the journal. There is also a family album that has pictures of the reunion, and original family members. Some of the photos date back to 1906, and they’re all organzied chronologically, and have everyone’s name in the caption. For the record, I debuted in the family album at the 2001 family reunion, as the official photographer for the offical reunion photo (not married or blood related, not in the picture.) This was my first year being in the photo itself.
There is also a family tree that nearly ran the length of the garage wall. It’s always really helpful to study it, because you *almost* figure out how you’re related to everyone there. First-cousin, twice removed is pretty closely related these days in the family.
Many a McIntosh Age Well
Whereas the original reunion pictures revolved around the the original eight children of Charles McIntosh, (TLEMK’s great-grandmother, Marie McIntosh {Barker} was the oldest girl) they have all passed on. Their children are the oldest generation now, and Lord, are they a collection. The twins, Wes and Les, at age 70-something,(74? 75? 76?) along with their sister Eloise, who is in her early 80s, are probably some of the most engaging people there. Wes and Les were seen playing Frisbee, catch with a baseball and glove, and at one point during one of the frequent downpours on Saturday, I saw Les actually running through the rain. Their cousin, David McIntosh pretty much dominated all conversations. At 82, he brought his violin to lead us in church hymns and folk songs after the family meeting. He lives in Bloomington, and was a music teacher for years and years, and still plays viola, guitar, and sings in the Bloomington Chamber Music Association. Apparently he’s also very spry. When asked by V what he and his wife were giggling about, he had no problems saying, “Sex. It’s pretty much what I’ve thought about for most of my life.” At least his wife had the decency to blush. The fifth cousin there, George McIntosh, had a strong handshake and a twinkle in his baby blue eyes, despite the fact that he’s using a walker these days. Looking back in the photos from the late 40’s and 50’s, he was definitely the hunk of the family. (Is it weird to have a man-crush on someone from fifty years ago? Just asking…)
The five first cousins were seated prominently in the middle of the picture, with us riffraff off to the sides. Missing was cousin Dorothy, who promised to try to make it next year (more on this in a moment.)
Where Everyone Knows Your Name
Despite the murky relationships, and the fact that they only see each other maybe once a year, everyone knows everyone in the McIntosh Family. The aforementioned cousins, except for David (who I met that day), all greeted me warmly, like we’d just seen each other last week. It was heartwarming, and that’s saying something for someone as cynical as I am. The atmosphere was that you could pick up and be part of that family, as long as you’re willing to bring a dish to pass, and have a great time. It was truly remarkable. At the same time, it was a little bittersweet because it makes me realize that my families don’t get together nearly enough. Sure, we’re there for weddings and some holidays, but I’ve never felt this seeming-closeness that this family gives off. Maybe I’m making it up, but they all knew each other, and cared for each other. It made me want to get to know my cousins better, and my family members better. I suppose their’s nothing stopping me, but it feels weird. “Hey, person that could potentially donate bone marrow to me, wanna go out to dinner?” I’ve just never been that comfortable putting myself out there, and I guess I need to if I want to capture the idea of family. (Mom, Mrs. Waj, this would be an excellent topic for you to weigh in on, either online or offline). We topped off the evening by sitting around the fire pit with V’s cousins, talking and drinking into the night, mostly about family and how they can be messed up. (Not mine; I had relatively little to say, which is always a shock to my mouth-muscles.)
More Sweet Than Bitter, Bitter Than Sweet.
As the older generations started to leave, I watched with dread as the twins loaded their elder sister (who is now in a wheelchair) into their motor home. The three of them do not have any children or grandchildren, and they live together by themselves in Wisconsin, on their parent’s land. These three are independent, but they are slowing down, and I worry about them and their ability to stay independent. Who is going to take care of them? Les is in the best shape, but he won’t stay like that for more than four or five more years. During the meeting, TLEMK and I bravely put our name in the hat to host next year’s festivities (which also include expanding the reunion to a mini-vacation for people; you’ll hear more of that down the road), and everyone thought it would be a great idea for us to host. I could only wonder if all six of the eldest generation would make it to the festivities; at this point, it seems like they will, but who can say? I know it’s depressing, but I wasn’t the only one to notice it. It was commented after the meeting that us having the reunion will centralize it a bit more for the elder generation, making it more likely for them to attend.
Looking Forward
Next year, we are hosting. THAT is a scary thought. I’m full of ideas and organization now, but will I be when January rolls around and I have to start sending out the information? Hopefully, yes. Plenty of familiy members offered to help out. Know this: The week of July 16th-July 22nd will be full for me next year. I am already mentally blocking other things out. I’ll also be soliciting ideas for organized activities that can span several generations. It should be a great time, but lots of work.
How do you feel about family reunions? Have you had experiences with them? Comment and vote!
Thanks for listening.
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