Ebjournal Revisited.

Jun 04 2006

From the Mirror of my Mind, I See Reflections of You and Me…

Tony| Category: General, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious, Random, All about me | 0 Comments

Friends, I’ve had a lot of time to sit lately. Instead of eating, my usual favorite sitting activity, I’ve been thinking. Since my ankle is NOT cooperating, and still refuses to allow me to walk sans crutches, I am stuck in places that require thinking on my part.

So I’ve been thinking. (Unusual, isn’t it…)

TK’s things he’s done thought about recently:

School:

It’s the end of the year. I’ve spent a good portion of the last few weeks getting my students ready to leave me and second grade behind. This is going to sound incredibly lame, but it’s my ebjournal, so deal with it. I feel like when the kids leave my room, their time of innocence at school is rapidly coming to an end. Next year, they’re in third grade, and they begin the harsh transition into letter grades, reading to learn (which we’re doing in our class, but ever so gently) instead of learning to read, and standardized testing that gets all teachers more uptight than anyone should be. They get to experience all sorts of fun new learning, and somewhere down the road they will remember all of three things I taught them; the rainforest, the Washington D.C. monuments, and maybe “Don’t panic.” So the end of the year tends to be a little depressing for me. In August, I’ll be psyched for my new group of students, but for now, June is bittersweet.

On Friday, as I was thinking about all of this, I was suprised and delighted to receive a letter from one of my former students. She was in my class last year, but moved in the middle of the year. It was a sort of vindication, that yes, I am making a difference in some students’ lives, even if they don’t realize it at the time. (And really, how could they, with most of the focus of their thinking centered around cooties vaccinations, Ice Age 2, and birthday parties?) Tomorrow night is my first Poetry Night, and we are nowhere near ready, but one parent told me on Friday that the kids are excited, and that her daughter has been practicing her poems at home. I didn’t even tell them to do that! Awesome.

Family:

We’ve been having family issues lately. Not end of the world issues, just things that kick around in my head, and I feel like I need to think about it. However, this is not the forum for it. (Hi, family!) But I’ve been thinking about all of our different families, and how we fit into them.

Television:

There is a lot of good television and movies out there. TLEMK and I are at the point of the year that we get to watch a season of a show, because all the regular shows are done for the summer. For instance, back at my birthday time, Stuck gave me the season of Firefly. After watching Serenity, it has been a thoroughly enjoyable experience. However, I’m miffed because there was only one season of it. HBO finally put Deadwood season two OnDemand, so we caught up on that last weekend in anticipation of season three, which starts June 11th. Though it’s by far the filthiest show I’ve ever watched, it’s one of the most fascinating and well-written shows out there. Finally, we’ve been watching Band of Brothers, the HBO docudrama that was made a few years ago on the first paratroopers of WWII. I read the book about 4 or 5 years ago, and I didn’t remember that much from it. The series has been excellent, and makes me glad I’ve never had to go to war. (See, Zigzags? I can be cultured, too!)

However, all of these had relatively short lives. Firefly has ONE season, because it was on Fox. HBO has already announced that Deadwood is done after season three, because they need the director on Rome. Obviously, Band of Brothers was short (well, actually, about 10 hours for a documentary). The point is, the smart television I like gets cancelled. Thankfully, Veronica Mars will be back next year for a third season, only after serious efforts to keep it on the CW. The CW, you ask? The merged network of UPN, and the WB. The people that are bringing 7th Heaven,(for it’s billionth season!) even though they finished the series on the WB, and instead cancelled Everwood. I fear for the future of television.
Misc.

I’ve been thinking about baseball, grad school, and moving, pretty much in that order. My fantasy team sucks, but I’m holding on to the fact that they might be second half players. Grad school picks up three days a week (5 hours a day, plus commute) starting June 12th. And we’re moving, hopefully in mid-July. TLEMK has started packing, and I feel terrible that I can’t help her. IF I get my boot soon, that should make things get back to the normal balanced team that we are usually. For now, she’s the best for doing all the stuff I can’t.
Coming up this week:

Mon.-Poetry Night

Tues.– Half-day, pack up the classroom, finally get my castboot/camwalker?

Wed.- Last day of school

Thurs.– MRI, Sox game

Fri.– Flecktones!

Sat.– Wedding

Sun.– Old friends?

Mon.– Grad school starts. Yikes.

So that’s the tip of what I’ve been thinking about. Lots of wheels churning. Very irregular and unusual. Kinda scary!

Better go back to eating.

(Edit:  What are YOU thinking about?  Check out the new poll!)

Mar 08 2006

Damn.

Tony| Category: General, Unfortunately Serious, WTF? | 0 Comments

It still bothers me.

It shouldn’t.

I’ve moved on.

It’s still a punch in the gut every time.

People are honest, which is good, but paranoia still creeps in because they’re not completely honest unless I ask.

Spare me.
I’m tired of it.

Dec 19 2005

Blah part II

Tony| Category: General, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious | 2 Comments

So, when we left off, I was about to start spewing complaints about my teaching and learning environment, particularly in the area of my co-workers and fellow grad students. (See this post to catch up.)

Off we go… presented to you in pseudo-outline form…

1) Being a Male Teacher in a Female Teacher School.
a) This is a challenge on so, so, so, so, SO many levels. As you may or may not know, I am the only male classroom teacher in my school, with the other XY representative in the school being our brand-new, baby-faced PE teacher. (A quick note about our PE teacher– he’s awesome at what he does, and the staff and students love him, myself included. Sadly, this reduces me to #2 male. I don’t know how I feel about this.) This means that most of the chatter revolves around complaining about their husbands, ex-husbands, or hottie, but lazy, (and) uncommitted boyfriends. Even if I ever had a complaint about TLEMK (Love you, baby!) I would not be able to voice it for fear of all womanhood turning their Fury-like rage upon me as a single voice.
b) Things run so hot and cold around here. From my liason to the other side (TLEMK), I’ve learned that apparently there’s a pecking order that exists with large groups of women. Zigzag, if you’re getting bored, think Aes Sedai. Cliques exist, from intermediate teachers, to specialist teachers, to young, unmarried teachers, to first grade teachers, and they ALL have an opinion about everyone else. They may not let you know it at first, but body language, and snide asides (which I’m finally, after what, a year and a half? picking up on.) exist after almost every meeting or interaction. According to my principal, staff climate is much better now than it was when she got here, but I secretly suspect that it’s just better hidden, or that she’s ignorning the powerful snide grenades that are launched behind closed doors. I realize that I have been guilty of it too, but I’m working on changing it. It’s so easy to get sucked into the negativity that you may not even realize it’s happening. And then, we when do “holiday” plays (Christmas, through and through) everyone is one big, fake-happy family. One day everyone is friendly, the next I could actually be a part of the wall. Truthfully, I’m sick of it. Or maybe it reminds me of other parts of my life too much.

2) On Being the Only Male in our Graduate School Cohort:
a) This is tricky. I’m the only guy there, and there’s only seven of us total, plus the professor. I feel like I bring a lot of it on myself because I rarely shut up. So I like to discuss things that we’re being lectured on. I like to share my knowledge. I SWEAR I AM NOT TRYING TO SHOW OFF. (I’m Fat Hermione, remember?) But. I’m sure it comes off like that. Rowdy R (fellow cohort member) and I have discussed this; we really are interested in what we’re doing, so we want to talk about it. And since it’s rare that all seven of us do our assigned reading, and I do it 90% of the time, I get to talk more than some other people in our group. Especially in our tech classes, because I love discussing technology and it’s applications into the classroom, and how it affects us in the real world. You know, what I do with my friends. It doesn’t fly well all the time in class. (So maybe this means that I need to develop some code switching in my head– school and friends are separate personalities…)

But then there are things that are out of my control, and even though they shouldn’t, really piss me off. To wit:

Last week in our group, we were finishing up an in-class assignment, and I was still working. My newest professor was talking about sharing a room (she’s a high school reading specialist) and how high school teachers never have things on their walls. And she found out she had to share the room with a *gasp* male social studies teacher. (because they would never have anything good on their walls!) She made it sound like a bad thing, and when she caught me looking at her after that comment, she quickly backtracked and said something like “I didn’t mean sharing it with a male teacher would be bad, they just tend to (stereotyical male stuff here) …” To which I responded, “Did he have any posters on his walls?” She then of course, said, “Well, yeah a few…”

Uh-huh. What makes me mad about that exchange is that if I hadn’t been sitting right there, and made a point to look over at the conversation, she would not have backtracked and tried to CYA.

b) The professor learns my name first. It can’t be helped. One of these things is not like the other, and it’s ME. And it’s noticeable when in week 7 of your 9-week course the professor calls a person’s name out to hand back an essay, and gives it to the WRONG WOMAN. Really? Seven people, can’t learn their names? Criminy. This also means that I get called on, and sniped on. Do I defend myself? Do I learn how to take a joke? (I promise I’m trying!) Or do I just rant about it into the blogonethersphere?

3) My defense mechanisms.
I make jokes. A lot. People usually laugh (seven out of ten of my jokes are funny. Eat that, Albert Pujols.) and so I feel like I’m bonding. It’s my attempt to establish myself as part of the collective. However, when combined with passionate discussions on education, it means you hear my voice a lot. Unfortunately, the more I talk, the more isolated I feel because there are teachers out there that are comfortable with what they’re doing, and don’t want to learn anything new. So, quit stirring the pot, Mr. Man.

4) I like teaching. I chose it as a profession, and there are some days when I feel as if I was called to it. There are plenty of other things I could be doing, but this one feels right. So when I speak glowingly of my students, why do I have to get looks of disdain from teachers who would rather be somewhere else? It’s not my fault that I actually see these students as a treasure, and want to talk about them, and not just a way to get another paycheck and have summers off. I’ve become better at being a professional, and not taking the students’ quirks so personally, but when I say that I want to wait to open their Christmas presents until Christmas morning, because I actually want to think about my students, I shouldn’t have to get looks of incredulity from my fellow coworkers. I love teaching. Get used to it. I’ll complain sometimes, but I’ll give out the joy of it too. If that’s not cool, fine.

*****
TLEMK tells me that I need to decide: do I want to be popular, or be interested in what I’m doing, to the degree which I need to engage and try to convince others that a shifting paradigm in educdation is NOT A BAD thing. At this point, one cannot co-exist with another. Either I keep my mouth shut, and people probably like me more for not being so freakin’ involved all the time, or I choose to voice my opinions, and feel better for trying to make people in my school/cohort be more flexible to learning. I am by NO MEANS saying that my thoughts are the right ones, or that I know the best way to educate children, but I don’t think I should be socially penalized for having a voice, (and hearing dead silence after I speak.)

I know I’m not alone in this, because I have a few teacher friends that are like me, and have had to sacrifice camaraderie for being professionals. (Rowdy? Mrs. Frank the Tank? Are you listening?) And I do have a couple people that I’ll hang out with for a happy hour, and feel like I might belong with at school. But what does it say when there is not ONE person I completely trust at my school, after a year and a half of working with them everyday during the school year? It’s not a good thing. At all.

So WTF am I supposed to do? Change who I am? Decide to grin and bear it, even though my sensitive metro-sexual inside feels slighted? Or should I just keep ranting here, and turn off my readership? I hate having to censor myself, and I don’t think I should have to, especially when it means I focusing on improving myself as a teacher. Or maybe I should just shut up and enjoy working with children… who are the Hallmark reason why I’m doing all of this. Especially when they give me hugs and tell me that they will miss me over Winter Break…

It’s not easy being green; new teacher, male, professional jealousy. (Whichever metaphor you want to use color symbolism for today.)

It’s not easy being green.

Dec 08 2005

Blah.

Tony| Category: General, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious | 3 Comments

Friends,

I’m about to enter into a touchy subject. It’s been 6 years in the making, and although it’s been referred to in passing, I feel it’s time to address a few things.

1) No, it is NOT easy being a male teacher.
2) No, it is NOT easy being the only male in my graduate cohort.
3) No, it is NOT my intention to talk so much at meetings, and to crack wise. It is what I call a “defence mechanism.” (I prefer the British spelling.)

Though I try to keep this blog anonymous to those of you that do not know me (hence the anonymous), you may have been able to deduce that I’m white. And because I’m a teacher in a great school district, I am middle class. So what h-e- double hockey sticks do I have to complain about?

Really, nothing, and though my stress is not at threat level orange,(that is SO 2002) a few things have been creeping up on me lately. So, I’m going to use the Interweb to get it off my chest…

First and foremost, I blame myself. I’m not the easiest person in the world to get to know. I’ll shake your hand, smile, and make chitchat with the best of them. I’ll remember your significant other’s name, and some other random thing about you that will probably surprise you that I remember, and quite possibly creep you out a little. (and makes Kenny cheer.) I don’t do this on purpose; it’s what my brain latches on to. But after the surface, it takes people a long time to understand who I am, and what I’m about. I’m still wondering. Build the wall higher and thicker with the fact that I’m a delicioius combination of paranoid and insecure. “Overactive imagination” is what they called it when I was a kid. So I always assume people think about me, when I’m not even a blip on their radar, and that the thoughts are negative. I’ve learned to deal with that a bit, but the insecurity still lingers.

So what does this all mean when you put it into context of working in an elmentary school, and participate in a grad school class of exactly SEVEN people? That answer comes tomorrow, or later today, whichever comes last.

(I’ve decided to release this in bits and pieces; otherwise Stuck gets annoyed that it’s so long)

Nov 03 2005

Checking in…

Tony| Category: General, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious, Music and Movies, Random | 1 Comment

People, people, people. I hear your clamouring. (Insert cricket sounds here.) I know that you’ve missed me, and my wonderful rantings. I would like to make it official:

I’m back.

Not in a Michael-Jordan-post-baseball-now-back-to-winning-championships-back, but back in the sense that ebjournalling may finally resume maintenance status, instead of dormancy. The last few weeks, while not completely hellacious, have been extremely busy.

To date (and eventually to be expounded upon):

I’ve been to two concerts, one Halloween party, and one memorial service, and this in the last 7 days. Did I mention I wrote my mock proposal for my thesis? Though only 9 pages, it was a different style of writing. I’m not pleased at all with how it sounds, so it will take a lot of work. If you’re really interested, you can read about it on the faux-portfolio page. Thankfully, I have a few weeks off from literacy/theory classes— the next class is technology. And then it’s Happy Harry Potter Thanksgiving! My favorite Eating Holiday (EH) However, now I have progress reports (AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!) and p-t conferences coming. Conferences are very challenging in the elementary setting because, I’M RESPONSIBLE FOR ALMOST EVERY SINGLE THING THEY LEARN ABOUT. We call that pressure, people. The kids may be seven, but they’re parents aren’t. So, that’s coming.

So, a lot is going on. Some tidbits until I can write coherently, and remember to use less formal speech:

Ben Folds is back. You may remember that he disappeared for a little while, but with his new band, he can play a wider variety of his repetoire. TLEMK and I enjoyed it a lot, and I would even consider staying out again ’til 1:00 a.m. on a mother-truckin'’ school night.

Guster: Short, but oh so good.

Picture me in curlers, Spongebob slippers, and TLEMK’s robe, carrying a teddy bear and a blanket. Oh yes, I wore that. And yes, there are pictures.

I went to a beautiful memorial service on Tuesday. It reaffirmed my faith in the human spirit.

So much to write about, but so tired. Going to OSU this weekend to watch the Illini get pounded, but then on to Uncle Len and Aunt Julie’s for some needed R & R.

More to come. I miss you, Internet. Until we meet again!

Oct 29 2005

…

Tony| Category: General, Unfortunately Serious | 0 Comments

Rest in Peace.
Your soul is in a better place now.
The Lord has called you to his Kingdom,
Where you belong.
We are sorrowful here,
Yet we rejoice; for you are free from pain and worry
You will be missed, you will still be loved,
Rest in Peace.

(b. 19__ , d. 10/28/2005)

I will be wearing my funeral socks Tuesday, and when I make it through Thursday, I’ll have lots to post about.

Oct 20 2005

They

Tony| Category: General, Unfortunately Serious | 0 Comments

They don’t tell you when it’s coming.
They don’t even give you warning.
One day you’re sitting and chatting with a friend, and the next day they’re gone.
Where did they go?
They’ve moved on, out, or to another plane of existence.
And it may be happening again.

****

Tim was a good teacher. He’d come to it late, one of those people who decided to give teaching a shot after 20 years of managing crappy restaurants. 20 years of crappy restaurant food can do a lot of bad things to your body. He had diabetes, which started to affect his eyes. He never complained, and he was always ready to go. He’d decided that dealing with unmotivated 19 year olds day in and day out was no way to live a life. So Tim went back to school, and started teaching. He taught for two years. He was the first teacher at Dr. Howard to offer help, and he was always quick with a smile, and an email forward. Five years later, I still have some of his forwards.

During winter break of 2000, Tim and I went to dinner; my first time to Texas Roadhouse. He was a secret shopper, so he always gift certificates for restaurants. He paid for dinner. A few days later, Tim went in for surgery to have work done on his eyes. During the operation, he went into cardiac arrest. He never came out.
I didn’t get to know him as well as I would have liked. Even so, there are days that I miss him.

*****
Greg was another great person. It’s been over a year, and everyone that knew him still misses him. He was always so positive, so friendly, up for anything. He’d come out with us on some Thursday nights, and played poker whenever he could. He was fun, and fit into any group. Sometimes you read tributes and think, “Everyone always says nice things about people about them after they’re gone,” but with Greg, we knew it was true before he was gone. He was killed by a driver high on narcotics, driving a car that didn’t have any breaks. Greg was 23. Again, I was just starting to get to know him, and then he was gone.

****
And now.
We have a teacher at our school who has been sick for a few years. This year she was able to start the year back in the classroom, but we could tell that she wasn’t her “normal” self. By all accounts from the veteran teachers in the building, she is a tremendous asset. My few interactions with her have been positive. Everything she has gone through, and she wants to take the time to get to know me. The first time I met her was last year at the Holiday Party. She was wearing a wig, and was happy to strike up a conversation with me. A few months before this, we had raised $18,000 last year during a silent auction (in one night!) on her behalf, such is her popularity to the commmunity (not to mention a tribute to her as a teacher). This year she’s taken over the enrichment program, and has the students working and learning about tremendous things. Two weeks ago, she started a new treatment. She’s now sick again, and I fear (and because I can’t go into it on a public forum) that she is not doing well. I feel so much frustration because there’s nothing I can do. I pray, I talk with colleagues, but I feel like an outsider looking in. Again. I don’t know her well enough to call a friend, but I know that if we were given the chance, we would be.

Where does it leave us?
It leaves us hoping that she will come out of it…

It leaves us hoping that prayers make a difference…

It leaves us hoping that this time, I will get to know this person, who is an example of what a good person is, and that she will NOT become one of them.

Not yet. Not again.

Jun 14 2005

The Long and Winding Post (alt. title: Using a mailbag to catch your five readers up on your life for the last three weeks)

Tony| Category: General, Sports and Wine, School Daze, Unfortunately Serious, Music and Movies | 0 Comments

Folks, it’s June 14th. You know what that means? Summer vacation is here. It means the updates are coming quickly. Instead of posting separate entries, I’ll just update the mailbag…

Dear Tony,
How was the end of your school year? Did you cry like a baby?
Sincerely,
Teacher Let This Monkey Out a Week Ago

Dear Monkey,
As usual, the end of the school year came much faster than I am ever ready for. We had a terrific time at the picnic, at field day (I still ran faster than the eight year olds, despite being fatter than ever), building a fort in the classorm, and through the last days of school. The kids seemed to love the books I chose for them, and I’ve gotten emails from a couple of them already about how summer is going. There are so many things that go through your head, things you want to say to the kids, but it’s hard because the kids are thinking about summer. This was a terrific group of kids–> I just hope they remember some of the things I tried to teach them this year. In case you’re wondering, here are the three biggest ideas I try to instill on the kids…

1) You have potential…
2)Think deeper!
3) Don’t panic. (they don’t really know about the Hitchiker’s Guide yet.)
You would be surprised how well these ideas apply to most of the classroom activities.

On the other hand, I am enjoying summer, despite the fact that I have to finish moving classrooms sometime this week.

Regards,
~Teacher Tony

Dear Tony,
How’s that fantasy baseball team of yours doing? You still comfortable being in the middle of the pack?
~The Boy of Summer

Dear Boy,
After a VERY shaky start to the year, Canseco’s Disciples have rebounded nicely, and are rounding into form for the mid-year stretch. With Rolen and Mark Loretta on the shelf, it’s been an interesting lack of real offense in the last few weeks, but Bobby Abreu is an amazing fantasy machine. Pitching-wise, my pick ups of Mark Redman and Cliff Lee have been okay, but Roy Halladay is making every-thing gravy. That, and the duo of Isringhausen and Wagner cleaning up make my pitching probably stronger than my offense. Currently, I’m in fourth place, strengthened by the schedule where I play people who haven’t touched their rosters all year. I’m guessing I’ll finish in third or fourth place, unless my offense really starts to pick it up.

In other baseball news, I purchased 5-game pack of Kane County Cougars tickets for my live baseball enjoyment this summer. I’ve been to two games now, and have been really impressed with what my $9 gets me. I brought along the gang the last time– 8 of us went to see the Cougars lose, but we had the Jesse White Tumblers, fireworks, and thousands of children screaming about SpongeBob. Can’t go wrong with that. Great to see all the guys, especially since we played cards afterwards!

~Manager Tony

Dear Tony,
Seen any good musicals lately? Listened to any good music lately? Done anything besides sit on your duff? (No, not Hilary, or Kaylie either, for that matter…)

Scratching an itch that cannot be named,
Nosy Nora.

Dear Nosy,
Why, yes, I have been to the theatre recently. Last Wednesday, McGirr, the Lovely and Engaging Mrs. K., and I travelled to Ford Centre Orienta l Theatre to see Wicked If you enjoy alternate timelines, and prequels/sequels, you will really appreciate this story. I am not a huge fan of the original Wizard of Oz, but this was a beautifully well-written and produced show, complete with outstanding cast and music. Even if you don’t like musicals, you will like this one. The most enjoyable part for me was figuring out how everything ties in to what we know, or what we THINK we know about the land of Oz. Truly spectacular for science fiction/fantasy fans, and a grand production for musical fans. Sorry, even thinking back to it now makes me want to go back, and I don’t even like musicals that much.
We’ve also been watching movies a lot, because, well, it IS summer. I would highly recommend the movie “Crash” which had Don Cheadle in it, as well as many other decent actors. I liked “Flight of the Phoenix” even though it was very poorly written. The L and E Mrs. K. enjoyed “Neverland”, and we both were intrigued by “Kinsey.” Next up: The third season of “Six Feet Under” has arrived, so we will be hunkered down for the next few days (13 episodes to watch)

That’s the entertainment update.
~Plugged in and drooling Tony

Dear Tony,
How about the rest of the summer? What have you got up your sleeve for fun?

Stalker Steve

Dear Stalker,
Well, we’re going to Great America this week, and maybe once a week during the summer (We have renewed our season passes) We also have date days/nights planned for lots of fun.
Concerts the summer include Coldplay and Ben Folds/Rufus Wainwright.

Right after our anniversary (July 6th for those of you playing at home) we’re going to the Smoky Mountains for a three-day cabin “retreat.” To quote Josh, we watch the mountains “in the haaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooot tuuuuuuuuuub!!!!!”

Grad school starts for me on July 11th. Three days a week, five hours a day. Could be worse. I’m looking forward to learning about new theory and applications in litearacy. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be hearing all about it as it starts.

Other ongoing tasks for the summer include: work out and get myself less fat than I am currently. Try and actually be tan this summer. Read as much as I can, watch as many movies as I can, and enjoy life. More than you wanted to know, I’m sure.

~Tony

Other than that, things have been busy. Unfortunately, I had to put on funeral socks for a distant member of V’s family, so we got to discover how scary Bloomington, IN, is *without* the college kids there.

Well, that just about does it for this round of mailbag. Stay tuned for quick anecdotes later in the week that include:

Strawberries and cream (or, how I got crispy in fifteen minutes flat)

The Stupid RC car guy in my apartment complex

How my couch potato-ness almost ended the potato famine.

Thanks for reading. Comment if you want, especially if you made it this far.

Apr 11 2005

Anniversaries

Tony| Category: General, Techie, not Geekie, Unfortunately Serious | 0 Comments

Two semi-quick things…

First, Saturday was the one year anniversary of our friend Greg’s death. We miss you, Greg. You touched lives in ways that you did not know, and your repercussions are still being felt. I wish you were here today to see how things have worked out… there aren’t words. So we’ll leave it at we miss you.

Second, 04.03.05 marked the one year anniversary of my entry to online blogging world. Have I made a difference? Who knows. Have I upgraded at least once? Yes, yes I have. I hope this year brings even more changes, upgrades, and of course, more ebjournaling.

Mar 26 2005

We’re Orange and Blue…

Tony| Category: General, Sports and Wine, Unfortunately Serious | 0 Comments

Sorry Kenny what can I say, I like your ideers…

loy·al
adj.

1. Steadfast in allegiance to one’s homeland, government, or sovereign.
2. Faithful to a person, ideal, custom, cause, or duty.
3. Of, relating to, or marked by loyalty. See Synonyms at faithful.

loyalty

n 1: the quality of being loyal [ant: disloyalty] 2: feelings of allegiance 3: the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action; “his long commitment to public service”; “they felt no loyalty to a losing team” [syn: commitment, allegiance, dedication]

Some of you, my faithful 7.4 readers, are guessing that I’m going to write about the Illini. You are partially correct.

I cheer for the Illini, no matter what. Be it football, basketball, tennis, hockey, or any other sport, I cheer hard for them. I even try to follow the Big 1T1en’s suggestion of being a good sport. I don’t get down on our teams, even if they’re struggling. I banter with my buddies about what the Illini need to do to get better. It’s because I’m loyal, almost to a fault. Sometimes it’s hard to be loyal, especially when they make lots of mistakes. Today, the Illini should win, but even if they don’t, I’ll still be loyal.

(end obligatory Sports Analogy)

Unfortunately, loyalty is a lot easier when it has to do with sports. Loyalty in friendships is a lot harder to deal with. The lines of loyalty are hard to break, they’re often misunderstood, and sometimes, they hurt more than they can help. I’ve tried to be loyal to several people in the last year, and it’s turned out that loyalty wasn’t returned. I consider myself an honest person. As a new husband, I have had to make adjustments to honesty, including be honest with myself, and with the lovely and engaging Mrs. K. I think (and I think she agrees) that I’ve been more honest. She has certainly been honest with me. As a friend, I’ve had to readjust and re-evaluate my perceptions on the loyalties of my friends. I try to look within to see what I feel like I need from them to have a properly loyal friendship. In the last year, loyalties have been divided, and no one seems to know where to stand or where to lay down. There are broken loyalties that will never be repaired (which is fine by me.) It’s hard to know what to do; trust me, I understand. What frustrates me is that no one seems to want to talk to me, or even acknowledge that things are different. If you want to be loyal, come talk to me. For those of you out there that have no idea what I’m talking about, good. For those of you who don’t what to do, come talk to me. I can’t fix things without knowing if they’re broken. I’m tired of the tiptoeing, and tired of not knowing what people really think. Sorry to get all rant-like, but loyalty and honesty have been kicking around in my head for awhile now. What do you think?