Ebjournal Revisited.

Serenity? Now? Finally?

Tony| Category: General, WTF?, All about me, In the Reflecting Pool | 1 Comment

I give up.

Friends, I’m about to tell you a quick true story that may illustrate a subtle shift in my personality.  While it may be a fluke of nature or a distortion in the space-time continuum, the following events transpired exactly as I am about to relate them to you.

After hauling my ever-so-slightly slimmed down self to the gym for a quick 60 minute workout today, I decided to cruise across my hamlet to the local Subway to grab dinner before settling in for a night of paper writing and grading. Along the way, I noticed the river being higher than I’ve ever seen in it the 20+ years I lived here and saw the efforts of a community coming together.  As I pulled into the Subway parking lot (also partially submerged) I checked my car stereo clock.  5:45.  Home by six, I thought.
I enter the store and see five people in front of me and only ONE sandwich artist behind the counter.  I took my place in line and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Gentle readers, you may not have run into me in awhile, or may have forgotten, but I am not the most patient person in the world.  With my students, sure, but that’s because they’re spastic and barely have control over their bowels, much less their mouths and impulses.  With grown-ups, I’ve been known to be a bit of ah, well, cranky jerkstore is a soft way of putting it.

I waited for 25 minutes at the Subway to get my sandwich.  You may be thinking that you could see my blood boiling, my neck turning red when I’m upset (watch for it next time, dead giveaway), and my eyes narrowed into slits the give the impression that I am truly the possessor of The Mighty Eye (see: Dakos, Kalli: poetry)

But here’s the thing: I wasn’t upset.  Not even close.  In fact, I was downright convivial with the lone slinger of sandwiches as she scurried to make me my oven roasted chicken breast on wheat.

So what the hell is wrong with me?  During my near half-hour of standing in the queue, I relaxed, did some breathing, and, I kid you not, thought about the things I was thankful for today.

And it felt good.

This is a trend I’ve noticed slowly overcoming me since the beginning of summer.  I’m now more content to take things at a measured pace.  I’m not always in a hurry to be somewhere (though if it involves football or consuming liquids… watch out) and in perhaps the most telling example of all- I Don’t Get To School At The Same Time Everyday.  For anyone that knows me, this is unheard of.  Is it a new leaf?  Is it a development of patience and rose-smelling?  Is it the slow realization that some things are out of my control and I can’t do anything about them so I might as well chill out?  NO ONE KNOWS.

I’ve been given some sort of serenity and I have no idea if it is permanent.  Spooky.
Stay tuned.

That Rumbling WASN’T My Stomach?

Tony| Category: General, Random, WTF? | 0 Comments

Just to join the flow of what I’m sure will be inane posts about “OMG, I totally felt that earthquake this morning!” I did, in fact, feel that earthquake this morning. I must have caught the tail end of it, because it wasn’t more than five seconds of my sleep-deprived brain trying to figure out what was before it was done. I slowly put my baseball bat down, shrugged, and went back to sleep. For twenty minutes, because then the alarm clock started going off. I turn on the tv, and lo and behold, us Chicagoans done felt us an earthquake. I turned the tv back off in 30 seconds because I didn’t want to hear the SAME story over and over again from people calling into the local news. (”I thought it was a rodent in the walls…” I tried to wake up my husband, but he said I was dreaming…” “My bed shook…” “I thought it might have been a ghost…”) And on. Do we really need to call these reports in? (Then again, do I really need to report them to you? How meta…)
Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the rumbling bed.

Maybe I realize what’s next: Zombies.

End of days. Do you have your water supply ready?

Happy Friday!

~TK, who’s only 75% kidding about the zombies

Stop Talking About Cribbage!

Tony| Category: General, Entertainment Tonight, WTF? | 3 Comments

Sorry folks, just can’t quite seem to shake the fact that I really do enjoy this game, and I know there are others out there that do as well.  Also, there are plenty of people around here that could learn, if they wanted to…  Anyway, I’ve been doing some reading at the ACC website (no, not that ACC) and found out that it really doesn’t take much to start a cribbage club.  And, they have a convention.  In Vegas Jr. (Reno).  Next weekend is the Illinois Open in Crystal Lake, but I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of dedication yet.  I need to start slow and accrue some points.  I smell a good summer project for me, when I’ll be free of the beast that keeps me chained from my freedom, otherwise known as my thesis.  What I need to know; is there anyone else interested in trekking with me to one of the clubs that have regular meetings to see what it’s about?  Woodstock and Crystal Lake (sorry DaveJo) may be a little too far for a weekly commute, so I’m wondering if there would be interest in eventually (read: this summer) starting a local club.  And by local, I mean closer than an hour away in Thursday night traffic.   Anyway, feedback for this would be appreciated.  I included some links with my del.icio.us post yesterday– check them out and tell me what you think!

An Exercise in Irony and I Wanna Quit the Gym

Tony| Category: General, WTF?, All about me | 4 Comments

(With apologies to TLEMK and Mrs. Zigzag, I *think* this is irony. Then again, I can’t even spell teriffic terrific right now.)

Though you may not know it by looking at me, especially in the last two weeks, I do get to the gym at least once or twice a week. Four times if my swimsuit competition is coming up (Wow, the WHOLE Internet just shuddered.) I get used to finding parking at certain times of day, knowing how busy it’s going to be during the peak times, and how to work the system of the entire “going to the gym” experience. In other words, I had good schema for the gym.

My schema is in disequilibrium now after the events I saw at the gym on Wednesday evening. I wasn’t around for the New Year’s blitz last year; apparently people make resolutions about being less fat and more healthy and blah blah blah. I had no idea they REALLY meant it for the first week. As I pulled into the mega-complex that is Lifetime Fitness, I noticed men in yellow jackets hanging around the front of the gym. They brought a sign, which was very helpful. It said, “Complimentary Valet Parking.”

Seriously? WTF? Casting aside for a moment that there really wasn’t very much parking available (I had to park in the back parking lot of the building, which I didn’t even know existed) YOU’RE GOING TO THE GYM. Why would you need someone to park your car for you? Wouldn’t you want the exercise of actually walking into the gym? Are we that lazy as a society that we can ONLY work out in the safety of our brethren sweathogs on our beloved ellipticals? My God.

Then I felt a little guilty. What if there’s a little old lady that needs to go to rehab her ankle after a disastrous Christmas tree episode? Then I thought, NOPE. We’re just that lazy. No Super-Mom worth her salt is going to stop the car outside the door, unpack her three children and Cheerios and hand the keys to the smirking valet,just so she can get in two extra minutes at the gym. Anyway, this sealed the deal for me as to why I wanna quit the gym.

Oh, I’m not quitting exercising. But right now my resolutions of “Get less fat, get more fit” and “Save money, idiot” are at opposites because of the gym. They’re charging us $100 a month to go in and use their elliptical machine. I guess it would be different if TLEMK or I used their classes, locker rooms, rock wall, basketball/squash/bungee jumping court, spa, childcare, pool, massage therapist, birthday party, yoga, or papier-mache classes, but we’re not. Some quick investigating reveals that I can go to my local community center and work out for $275 dollars a year. For both of us. Take that $900, Greece fund! Even if I hate it, I can still get the exercise of WALKING TO THE GYM (it’s three blocks away), buy an elliptical at home for $600, still pocket the extra $300. The good news is that because so many people are joining the gym right now at SuperMegaLoLifetime, they didn’t even blink when we said we were quitting. So much easier than a Friends episode.

Happy weekend!

Damn.

Tony| Category: General, Unfortunately Serious, WTF? | 0 Comments

It still bothers me.

It shouldn’t.

I’ve moved on.

It’s still a punch in the gut every time.

People are honest, which is good, but paranoia still creeps in because they’re not completely honest unless I ask.

Spare me.
I’m tired of it.

100K? Of course that just happened…

Tony| Category: General, WTF? | 2 Comments

So last week, my car turned over at 100,000 miles. I even tried to take a picture. But that’s hard when you’re driving 45 miles an hour in rush hour traffic. This was Thursday. On Friday, as I left school, and with my odometer reading 100.036 K, my car wouldn’t start. Rather, the ignition wouldn’t turn. I called Olson, resident guy who knows stuff, and we were unable to solve the problem. So instead of working out, and rocking out on Guitar Hero, I got to stay at school for an extra two hours. (Of course that just happened!) It turns out that my key has been tearing up the inside of my ignition cylinder thingamabob, mostly because I was jamming it in and ripping it out in my rush to eat, sleep, or teach young children. Lesson 1) Relax when starting and stopping the car. Lesson 2) See lesson 1, lest you want to spend $250 on a new ignition system. Not the best way to start off my three day weekend of skiing and fun.
I picked up the car on Monday, and thanks to attentive mechanics, they also fixed my tail light malfunction (”You have a tail light out.”) because it was under a recall. So now not only can I turn my car on, but others can see me.

Lame post.

Tomorrow’s on my first-ever experience with downhill skis. Every one survived, except my pride.

Hasta luego.

Icky… I wish I had Zigzag’s tiny ears…

Tony| Category: General, Entertainment Tonight, WTF? | 0 Comments

I’m sure Frank will get into the actual game, and I’m sure I could be writing about a great Rose Bowl too, but USC’s marching band halftime show was quite possibly the worst showing I’ve seen since the Stanford trombone player missed a tackle. I’m speechless. Thankfully, I’m not unable to type.

Now, I know that ABC had at least two mics going at the same time, and it made it seem like phasing, but they were still much worse than the Longhorn band.

Things I should NEVER see or hear at a halftime show:

1) Lame ass Elvis sunglasses.

2) Hearing Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

3) Saxophone, in a singular event. Multiple, fine. Lone tenor wandering around, NO. NO. NO. NO. (honk) NO.
4) Crotch-grabbing, of any kind. Especially to Michael Jackson.

5) All of the above.

Texas, didn’t sound that much better, but better enough to notice a difference between the two bands. And they played a Beatles medley, which seems very un-Texas like, but they made up for being cooler by playing it very square, and wearing the hideous Longhorn marching band uniforms.

In honor of the band…

“This is the only song we know how to play.

We really, really like it so we play it all day…..

HurrAY!”

Sorry, USC fans. You lost the battle of the bands. Time to go bang my head against the wall to get Beat It out of my head.

Bwaa?

Tony| Category: General, Site-Based Management, WTF? | 2 Comments

So, I got my comment email from Waj and Frank the Tank. Yet, when I go to the site, it says there are no comments. Then, if you click on where it says “No Comments”, it then shows the two aforementioned comments. If you go back to the main page (and refresh) it still says “No comments.” I allowed comments on the original post, and I loaded the page in different themes. Any suggestions, oh mighty smart people?

Back to work.

——–
Update: After checking the ‘boards on wordpress.org, there are people having the same problem. Stupid Spam Karma. Just kidding, Spam Karma, you know I don’t mean it. I’ll fix it tonight.

———

Update, again.  Fixed.  Whee.

Apparently I taste good…

Tony| Category: General, School Daze, Random, WTF? | 3 Comments

The Trifecta of Biting is complete. You may now assume that I will be acquiring superhuman powers soon.

Saturday night, as we’re sitting around the faux bonfire, my family starts noticing that there are mosquitoes still struggling to survive in mid-September. Not until I am back inside under the harsh glare of reality do I notice that I have been bitten three or four times around my ankles. No big deal.

Flash forward to Monday morning. Why are my feet so itchy? I’m wearing new socks, but it doesn’t seem to be affected in the usual sock places. I realize that because I wore sandals all day Sunday, I did not notice that these were juiced-mosquitoes, angry at Mother Earth for making it so cold at night. They exacted their vengence on me, lowly snack bar of blood on a cold Saturday night. Thus, bite(s) number 1.

This morning (Monday) as I’m frantically cleaning up my classroom in my pathetic attempt to resemble an organized teacher, I notice a little spider. After last-week’s half-dollar spider incident, in which I was outwardly brave,
and inwardly shrieking like a girly-man, I had nothing to fear from a tiny spider.

WRONG.

I look down at my wrist, which also has started to itch, right after school started. Naturally, there’s a tiny bump there. So, spiders apparently (apparently!) like me too.

To recap: Itchy feet, new spider bite. Where else, how else could I be tasted, like some sort of buffet?

Oh, gentle readers, if I only realized that there are many other ways to be chomped on and spit out.

During the second lunch shift on Mondays, I do outdoor recess. I usually stand by the door between the lunchroom and the playground, sternly chastising small hobbits to walk. I put out my hands to emphasize to the little ones that if they continue running, they will run into my beefy paws.

Today, one of them challenged that. One little vampirical cherub decided that he should BITE my hand as he ran by, so as not to slow down. He reached out, and chomped with his four baby teeth right at the base of my thumb. The thoughts ran through my head were this, in order:

Hey, what the !@#$% was that?

AND

SOMETHING BIT ME!

It didn’t hurt, and I figured out what happened shortly after that. I yelled after the maniacal culprit, and what happened?

The little booger RAN.

Smiling.

Oh no. Uh-uh.

After about 3 seconds of my 75% outdoor voice, everyone within a 100-foot perimeter knew that they should be taking cover. Eventually I got the young man’s attention and he stopped, and I watched, WATCHED as the chap slowly realized that he was in trouble, and not just “I’m sorry” trouble, but like, you know principal’s office trouble. Hell, that even scares ME. I marched him down the office, to find that the boss was already engaged with three fifth graders, and she was NOT in a good mood. In fact, I’ve never seen her in this particular mood. I started to feel very sorry for the young man as I meekly approached my boss, and said that the boy needed to see her. He was too slow in moving and she pretty much snarled, “Get in here right now, young man.” After that, the boy lost it, even more than the tears streaming down his face from my discussion with him. I tried hard not to laugh, because the kid was screwed. I felt bad for him, because I truly believe he didn’t realize what he did, or how social graces dictated that it is NEVER OKAY TO BITE PEOPLE. Unfortunately, he had to learn the hard way. Suffice to say, his parents had to be brought in, and I had to give me spiel again. The parents were mortified, and the kid wouldn’t even look at me. So that happened.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Twice bitten, itchy.

Thrice bitten, looking over my shoulder for vampires.

:-B

New (Old) Taxes

Tony| Category: General, WTF?, EAT | 1 Comment

In the fall of 1999, we were sitting in trombone sectionals during a MI (Marching Illini) rehearsal of some sort. The discussion quickly turned to t-shirt ordering for the upcoming road trip.

Schrand: Okay it’s 10 bucks a shirt for sizes up to XL, and then a dollar extra for each additional X.

Everyone Else: NO!
————————————-

As I was ordering a hooded zipper jacket this morning from my school, I noticed that the FAT tax is still in effect. On top of paying the $20 for the sweatshirt, I have to add $2 for my spare tire so I can get an XXL. I want my two dollars back. Two dollars.

I am so going to complain. Again.

And now I’ll go back to losing weight, so that someday, somewhere, my personal Fat Tax will be repealed. Hmm, maybe if I dump all the peanut butter cups into Lake Michigan…